I slept in today. I have my to-do list in my new notebook. This one opens all the way and is much easier to work with. I am crossing things off as quick as I am adding. That is a lie, I am actually adding so many things to it that I might have to take a Xanax if I don't stop.
The big chickens are bullying the little ones, the cats are hissing at each other, and I am missing my lazy dog. We had to put her down yesterday. She was in pain between her heart and her eye and it was the right thing to do. It will take me a while to get used to not walking her, tending to her, and snuggling her. She was our little hot mess when we adopted her but even hot messes grow on you over the span of 10 years. As she drifted off over the rainbow bridge, I thanked her for being so awesome and showing us what true unconditional love is like one a daily basis. She also taught us about boundaries and anxiety and trauma but those stories are for another day.
I wasn't going to write about August but if I have learned anything about myself, it is that I don't like to share my sadness. I am trying to take this opportunity to process in a healthy way. That is all.
Today, I will take care to cry when I am sad and if someone asks me how I am, I will take a deep breath and tell them that I am sad because I miss my fur baby. She never slammed her door in my face, poked fun of me, or ate my dark chocolate. She only ever asked for food, water, belly rubs, and walks. The basics. We don't know her birthday or her true age as we adopted her from down south but I will remember this day being the first day without her. It is painful to look down at my feet and not see her there, but just knowing that she had a good life with us and that we are better people for having her in our lives is enough to set me on a path toward celebrating her life and not being devastated that she is no longer in it.
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