It was the beginning of summer, my husband was working from home, I started working three full days, the kids transitioned from remote learning to each taking a Vlacs course, so I decided to take another crack at finishing my degree online. It sounded all so progressive, romantic even. It felt like I was pulling off something a superhuman blogging mom would do. Winning!
It sucked. I thoroughly enjoyed the learning. I did not enjoy teaching myself or the logistics of the class itself. It felt like simply navigating through all the moving parts was a full time job and it occupied all my spare time and energy. Being who I am, I assumed that A. It was my fault and B. I would get better at it. Wrong!
My second class just started and I was all pumped to write a paper on the failed Equal Rights Amendment when I had an epiphany. Actually no. That isn't right. I started the class, got extremely confused, panicked, doubted myself, and pushed through all of the mental roadblocks and warning signs that I was doing too much, whined to my poor husband for 3 days strait, complained to my co-workers about how hard the class was to navigate, and waited until the last possible second to drop the class. #imaninfant
So here I am at the end of the summer, taking inventory about what is important to me and my family. I am reminding myself that I don't need to finish my degree because I am enough. I don't need another piece of paper. The pursuit of getting that paper, is too time and energy consuming. I will take stock of what is important in the now and focus on those things. Family, friends, books, and coffee.